If you're like many strong, smart, successful, busy women I have the pleasure of coaching, you're likely to be using your masculine energy, at least 75-80% of the time in your business, your career, managing and organising your personal life, your home, and your family.
That's the purpose of our Masculine energy to help us accomplish our priorities and goals.
Where this may not be serving you is in your Dating Life and Relationships.
There are many articles about the importance of amplifying your feminine energy in dating, so we know it's important.
What I realise when coaching my clients, is that there is just as much misunderstanding about what exactly it is, and how to apply it in their lives.
The most significant misconception about masculine and feminine energy I hear is that feminine energy is just about our external presentation, our feminine style, mannerisms, body language, flirtation tactics, perhaps being passive and weak. And masculine energy is frequently viewed as being strong, assertive, having control and being capable.
Consequently, many strong women I talk to don't connect with this perception of feminine energy and reject it as they consider it a weakness, or that their capabilities are undermined as "lesser" than a mans. I used to feel this way until I learned what it was really about.
The truth is, it goes much deeper than a woman's femininity and flirting skills which don't define feminine energy.
It also has nothing to do with your character.
You can look like the most feminine woman on the surface, and lead with your masculine energy. Conversely, have a sporty, or tomboy-ish dress sense and lead with your feminine energy.
Certainly your external feminine essence (body language, voice, style) counts towards attracting a man, but your feminine characteristics are separate. Your outer appearance may initially draw a masculine energy man to you, but if you’re not connected with your feminine energy characteristics and practice them authentically, he won’t connect with you in the long term.
There are always exceptions, however, most quality masculine energy men aren't inspired to take it further with a woman who leads with her masculine energy, as its a clash of the same energy.
He may not even realise this is the reason, but he won't feel the emotional safety to be himself.
Most masculine energy men are attracted to a feminine energy presence and vice versa.
The polarity of both energies is needed in your interactions to deepen your connections and increase your desirability to a masculine energy man.
Respecting and applying the principals of how these opposite energies work together applies in your friendships and all your relationships, be it with family and colleagues.
The purpose of your Feminine and Masculine Energies, and why you need both
Before we talk about how feminine and masculine Energy work in dating, I want to take a moment to demystify both and why they're essential for us to feel balanced as an individual.
I like to think of our Masculine and Feminine energies as two groups of strengths/ qualities within each of us.
One of my favourite studies about this is by Jim Self, and I'm sharing some of his key distinctions.
He says that both Masculine and Feminine qualities/strengths are present in all of us and transcend Gender, Sexuality, Age, Religion etc.
Both groups of strengths have distinct characteristics, which don't overlap, and a balance of both is vital for us to feel whole and balanced.
Typical characteristics of Masculine Energy Strengths :
- Willpower, doing, thinking, analyzing initiating, directive, decision making, motivation, intellect productivity, striving, leaning forward, NURTURING/GIVING (often perceived as a feminine energy quality because most women are nurturing and giving- it's actually a "doing" quality)
- Masculine energy is simple, uncomplicated, single-focused,.Masculine energy understands straight lines— go from point A to point B to point C and back to point A.
- If we function from our masculine energy without the balance of feminine energy, we can feel unvalued; it isn't nurtured or appreciated. It feels incomplete
You'll notice when masculine energy is brought to the interaction by men and women, whether it's in business, or even a group of friends talking over dinner. They'll be initiating, problem-solving, solution finding, sharing opinions, facts, with possibly some underlying competitiveness as to whose right, knows more, has the answer or can help fix or solve something.
Characteristics of Feminine Energy Strengths
- Your imagination, creativity, passion, desires, emotions, feelings, being present, intuition, sensing, being receptive. leaning back
- Feminine energy is very complex, energised and fast, It can do 25 things at one time while it swirls and curves.
- If we mainly function with our female energy without the balance of masculine energy we can feel unsupported; unfocused; ungrounded and unstable; it is without structure, and as a result, it has no sense of direction, completion, or success
The way this would show up in conversations is that the person you're speaking with is attentive, present, actively listening, receptive, and tuned into their emotions not their analytical thoughts. They'll also be expressing feelings, rather than facts and solutions.
In essence understanding, expressing and balancing both masculine and feminine creative energy is required to feel whole, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energy in Dating and Relationships
There are many happy, successful couples where the man has more feminine energy in the relationship, and the woman leads more with her masculine energy.
If you're attracted to masculine energy men, you need to tune into and convey what appeals to him. One influencer is your feminine energy which sparks the initial attraction.
If you are a masculine energy orientated woman, with no intention of taking a more receptive, passive, softer stance in your relationship at times, then you'll have difficulty reaching a happy balance with an equally masculine energy man.
You're more likely suited to a man who takes the more passive, receptive role.
Similarly, feminine energy men, who want to be with a feminine energy woman, need to dial-up their masculine energy to attract her.
There is a difference between this working happily for couples, and masculine energy men, "giving up" and becoming passive and feeling emasculated in the relationship with a woman who leads with her masculine energy to keep the peace. It happens often.
Consciously choosing which energy you're going to lead with, in your romantic relationship, is the first step to attracting the right potential partner.
I don't believe in dating “rules”, but this is a universal proven relationship rule, you need to observe and practice in your life to enjoy authentic connections.
So to inspire attraction from a masculine energy potential partner, become comfortable shifting between your masculine into your feminine energy more effortlessly.
This should be a fluid, and subtle transition, and doesn't involve a transformation in your personality or character, morals, ethics or independence in any way.
It's just "being" rather than "doing".
This means taking a slightly more passive role, being receptive, relinquishing control and being patient to allow him to step up and initiate.
This is especially important when you're dating, for a variety of reasons.
So, learn to connect with both your masculine and feminine energy strengths to feel balanced and whole for you first.
Then decide which energy you are most attracted to, and lead with the opposite energy in your dating life and relationship.
This small step can have a significant impact on you, your dating life and future long-term relationship.
For more practical tips on how to apply this to your dating life download my free guide for women - 5 Steps to Ignite your Feminine Energy HERE
P.S To connect personally and discuss uplevelling your Life, schedule your complimentary coaching call with me HERE