Are your thoughts about men creating a barrier to attracting love
Do you catch yourself thinking, these thoughts about men?
"Men are intimidated by strong women."
"Men are only interested in looks."
"All men are the same"
Perhaps you have discussions with your female friends about why these thoughts, are in your opinions true.
These are fear-based thoughts that are unconsciously keeping you further from love.
They don't serve you and aren't true of quality men who want to attract a committed relationship with a high value, loving woman, like you.
Underpinning these thoughts is pain and disappointments.
Those negative relationship and dating experiences, we've all been hurt by, fuel these biased beliefs, judgments, and assumptions about men.
Despite having these "fears," my guess is you want to attract a meaningful, loving, loyal, committed relationship and be loved.
This kind of relationship, when you have it, has been proven to positively influence our overall happiness and fulfilment in all areas of our lives.
Love is a great healer and motivator.
If you're ready and serious about attracting and keeping a meaningful, committed relationship with a great man– then, you need to retire the belief that your one or two personal bad experiences reflect how all men are. It is not true of all men.
Your past relationships definitely don't dictate your future relationship success, unless you're repeating negative patterns. And you are in control of your future relationship success.
Most women have experienced one bad relationship or two. I certainly have.
The key is how have you grown from it.
As difficult as it feels, these painful experiences, serve as valuable life lessons, and growth opportunities so that we navigate towards healthier, happier relationships.
If you find yourself ruminating about these common man myths, my question to you is;
Are your beliefs affecting the way you present yourself to men?
The simple answer is, they will be. Whether you mean for them to or not.
They're also barriers to love, keeping you off track to meeting the quality, relationship-minded man you deserve to be with.
Unless you release these negative man myths; there is a natural risk; you'll be presenting a cynical, distrustful, guarded vibe, and worse, become the interrogator to find evidence of your negative beliefs. Which you will (I write more about that in my blog post HERE)
These behaviours, deter good quality, emotionally mature men.
Like you, quality men do want to be in a loving, committed, understanding relationship.
With that said, here are some of the most Most Common Myths about Men – DEBUNKED to be UNLEARNED and forgotten about, so that you're not blocking your ideal man from wanting to connect and learn more about you.
1. Men are Intimidated by Strong women.
This is one of the most common misconceptions in dating. It’s assumed that if a woman is intelligent, successful and ambitious, that men are automatically threatened or turned off.
It's often the safe and comfortable conclusion women make if their date doesn’t want to see them again. The reality is, it's more to do, with how you made him feel in your company.
Even though recent research found that there is some truth in this, which isn't surprising. US researchers noted in one study, that the men who had been told they were about to meet a more intelligent woman "distanced themselves more from her, tended to rate her as less attractive, and showed less desire to exchange contact information or plan a date with her."
The truth is a thriving, intelligent woman doesn’t deter a confident, self-assured man with healthy self-esteem, and that’s the kind of Man you want to meet. Confident men are proud to be with intelligent women!
The key is leading with your magnetic feminine energy strengths and qualities at times, especially when you're dating a masculine energy man so that he doesn't feel you're in competition with him and can see you have a "need" and a place for him in your life.
(I have a free guide - 5 ways to ignite your feminine magnetism HERE )
The Second part to this Myth is that Ladies with a strong, Character and opinions deter men.
Differing opinions in conversation is healthy, stimulating and appealing. Agreeing with everything isn’t authentic.
The tone, manner, facial expressions and body language used to convey a difference in opinion is the key.
Being playful, calm, intelligent, assertive, light and feminine when expressing your views and questions are engaging.
Accepting a different point of view, even though it's different to yours, and not judging a person for it, is a powerful skill and shows respect and kindness to another person.
Being confrontational, controlling, opposing or dismissing a point of view - don’t encourage trust, or mutual chemistry to develop.
A smart confident, respectful man who doesn’t feel trusted, relaxed or comfortable to be himself, and speak freely during a date, isn’t generally going to want more of that same feeling.
Also if a lady talks about how she doesn’t ever need anything from a man and projects a tough exterior; this doesn’t encourage a relationship-minded man to invest further.
If he is given the impression that he is disposable, isn't needed and has no purpose in your life, he will move on. A man needs to feel that he does matter in your life. Otherwise, there is no reason for him to be with you.
Balancing your strength, and intelligence with your feminine energy, vulnerability and receptivity to love, is powerful and attractive.
2. If a Man is Single, he doesn’t want to commit /or there's something wrong with him.
If you find yourself wondering what's wrong with a man who is still single, at a certain age, I recommend reflecting that question back to you. What are your reasons?
It's no longer unusual for men and women to settle later in life, after establishing their careers, businesses, financial stability and living and enjoying life more.
When they do, whether it's after divorce or for the first time, like women, they also want to make sure its the right women. (here's a blog post about our new normal in terms of single versus married people HERE )
While there is importance in learning about a man's relationship history, it's unrealistic and unfair to assume anything without discovering who he is as a man at this time in his life, and through his actions.
Research has proven that a relationship-minded man may consider and remain open to more choices when he is single and dating; unlike women, but when he meets a woman he is serious about and is ready, he will commit and secure the relationship faster than women.
This is judged by the one woman he connects with on a deeper level, feels safe with, needed and admired by, regardless of his career, financial status and physical appearance.
Does he feel confident that despite the outer trappings of "manliness", he is genuinely loved and respected?
Feeling emotionally safe with you determines this, through our consistent actions over a period of time.
3. Men aren't in touch with their Emotions as much as Women
Research shows that Men are just as emotional and caring as women, except they are conditioned not to be as expressive or open about their emotions, and can hold back as not to appear weak. Culture obviously influences this.
The fact is, men and women, do communicate differently, show and receive love in their own unique way. The more we understand and respect these differences, the more effortless connecting with a man on a deeper level will be.
For example, just because a man doesn't think the same as you, or isn't responding to something you said in the way you would like, or doesn't act on something you've told him right away doesn't mean he isn't thinking about it or doesn't care about what you're saying.
It may take him an hour, or a day, or sometimes even a week to respond to something you communicated to him, or to answer an important question.
Give him space, chances are he'll get there once he's thought it through. This is especially important in the early stages of dating and relationship.
A man naturally pulls back, at times, to process his thoughts, emotions and to figure things out in his own mind. He needs, this, so respecting it and being there when he leans forward again, without criticism or pressure creates that emotional safety for him.
During this "quiet" phase, the healthy thing to do is invest more energy, caring for you, maintaining your active, busy life, without being energetically attached to him. The right man, will not disappear completely only the wrong man will.
4. Men Only care about Looks.
It’s Human Nature to notice attractive people, and first impressions and looks do count for both women and men. Men are predominantly visual.
But smart men, understand, that it's about more than physical attractiveness though. A woman who looks confident, happy and takes care of herself, has the attitude and character to match is appealing regardless of size, age or style.
A quality man respects a woman who takes care of herself inside out and has that inner, authentic confidence. This is never loud, or attention seeking.
Certainly, our appearance does count. The key is to feel comfortable and confident in yourself, and how you carry yourself, in a classy, elegant way, in keeping with your feminine essence, and natural modern style.
If you feel confident and happy with yourself and present your best self, this inevitably gets noticed by the right kind of man for the right reasons.
"Men aren’t falling in love with you because of your job title, your workout schedule, your hobbies, your degrees, or even the shape of your body. Those things are great, but they aren’t the characteristic that inspires love.
Quality relationship-minded men connect with women based on the way you love, experience, forgive, communicate, and enjoy life. How affectionate, warm and feminine you are. How you express that. Your laugh, your smile, your way of relating. That’s what matters to them. They fall in love with the woman, and the way you inspire them. Do they feel good about who they are around you? They fall in love with the true essence of you as a person. Just you". April Beyer US Matchmaker
"You’ll See it when you Believe it.". Dr Wayne Dyer
All Men are Not the Same.
Be mindful and smart about what you believe, avoid being influenced by your negative experiences and the opinions of others.
Next time you generalise about "men" all being the same, follow that thought with asking yourself is this a fact?
Isolate it to your past experience, then focus on, and live by the standards you do need in your partner.
Stay optimistic open-minded, and balance your heart and your mind to give the right man a chance to reveal himself to you.
P.S. If you’d like to understand men and attraction to avoid second-guessing or waiting again, schedule your Complimentary 45-minute skype coaching conversation with me below to learn more about how I can support you on your dating journey to a successful relationship HERE
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