Are you struggling with low Self-Confidence in one or more areas of your life?
Perhaps you're confident in your career but not in your social or romantic life or vice versa. It could be you have some self-confidence, but it needs a boost so that you feel entirely energised, connected to the real you and to move forward towards your heart goals.
While we are all beautifully unique and individual, I noticed recurring themes emerge when I'm coaching my clients.
One of which is a lack of self-confidence, and it underpins why they are not trusting themselves to take bolder actions, or believing that their dream relationship and life is possible for them, and meanwhile not thoroughly enjoying all aspects of their life from inside out.
Low self-confidence is a universal challenge for so many of us at various points in our lives.
In fact, when I recently googled "confidence", within 44 seconds I had a staggering 778,000,000 search results. You'll also find over 30,000 books listed on amazon.com about this topic too. Why is it so popular?
Let's be clear this impacts us all from time to time, regardless of age, gender, culture, relationship status, profession, background, education or financial situation.
My clients are all successful people in their careers and lives, none have the external "appearance" of people lacking in self-confidence within.
The key is to learn how to take the right actions despite it, which triggers the self-confidence switch to grow stronger and gain momentum.
How about you?
"What will the most significant change in your life be, when you boost your self-confidence?"
It's the foundation of living fully.
The Good News is building authentic, lasting self-confidence isn't hard.
However, let's be real, it isn't a surface level overnight fix either if you want it to last and become a real practice in your life.
Sure, it feels great to get in shape, get a makeover, buy new clothes, go on holiday, be in nature, practice manifesting, journal, have more fun and even date!
These will lift you up, but only momentarily if you only focus on the symptoms, not the deeper causes. The result will likely be that you feel the same lack of confidence when the initial high fades.
It also doesn't mean you won't have a dip now and again later, and that's normal.
Building your self-confidence muscle from inside out allows you to have the ability and resilience to bounce back faster, and keep moving forward despite the odd setback which is part of life.
It just needs dedication and commitment to taking small steps one at a time, and you can do that!.
What Self-Confidence isn't.
I encourage you to consider it from a different perspective. It isn't just a:
- A positive feeling that you get or don't have without nurturing it with action.
- A Personality Trait. There's a common misconception that extroverts are confident, and introverts aren't. It's a myth! True Confidence isn't loud!
- A belief in your abilities. You can believe you're terrible at something. Your level of certainty magnifies whatever you tell yourself, which limits your growth, and that can work against you.
Confidence is a Skill that can be trained, developed and strengthened with practice. It's your ability to grow, change and a willingness to figure things out, so that you become capable and to feel worthy from inside out.
If you think about it, you have done this in your life already. Haven't you?
5 Human Drives which underpin your Self Confidence.
In his book "The Charged Life", Brendon Burchard defines the science-backed human drives that need to be nurtured and cultivated to build authentic self-confidence and a successful, meaningful life. Here are 5 which I recognise the most in my clients.
What level of Control do you feel in the key areas of your life?
We can never have complete control all the time and certainly can't control other
people. The key is to feel we have influence and a level of power in a
positive way in the key areas of our lives.
What level of Competence do you feel in each area of your life?
This is about your knowledge, skills, and how much you put it into practice the actions you at you need more confidence. Having a '"growth" mindset of learning, gaining support and practising cultivates more confidence. For example, if like some of my clients you're nervous about, or fear dating and using online relationship sites; avoiding them won't change the fact. The more you practice the more competent you become, which develops your confidence. Where do you need to develop more competency?
How Congruent are you with your true self?
Are your intentions, values and beliefs in alignment with how you behave and show up in the world and each area of your life? Are you living in integrity with your identity in all circumstances (the easy and challenging ones)? I did a series of videos in our closed community about connecting to our inner compass to help with this. join us here. Define three words that describe the best of who you are, and three words that define how you interact with people. Do you apply these consistently?
How much Care and Love do you give and Receive?
Numerous studies have proven, that as humans we are deeply driven to care for and to be cared for by people. If you feel you're caring for people and cared for by people in your life, you will be more confident.
Self Care also drives more self-confidence. How confident do you feel about this in your life? What's missing that you can nurture more?
How is your Connection with yourself, people, your partner, spiritually or your environment?
The quality of your connections, with your loved ones, life partner, yourself, spirituality all contribute to greater confidence. Where in your life do you feel strong, powerful connection, and where do you need to cultivate it more?
Common Surface Level Fixes don't last.
These aren’t the typical themes we think about when we’re trying to boost our self-confidence, but essential to dive beneath the surface and clarify your reality in these areas.
To help you do that, I’ve created a Self-Confidence Check-up guide, in which we dive into these with questions and exercises to give you super clarity, and the steps to take and start cultivating lasting self-confidence.
I invite you to do a Self-Confidence check-up so that you can ensure yours is healthy, and ignite it where you need to.
Download your Self Confidence Check- Up
Take Focussed Action.
When you've taken a deeper dive beneath the surface by completing the exercises in your free guide.
The next step is to start.
A simple and fast way to do it is to make a list of 10 small steps involved in your first priority area. Avoid overthinking it, and only focus on one area at a time. In time you'll apply the same steps to each area of your life you'd like to.
Break these steps down as much as possible, so you have mini-tasks. Schedule them, begin and keep them going consistently.
It's inevitable that feelings of self-doubt and fear will arise as you begin. Don't allow these to derail your mission. I have a blog post about overcoming self-doubt HERE and building healthy boundaries HERE.
It's been proven time and again, that building our self-confidence muscle will support our goal to create and live a Relationship and Life we love.
I would love to know how this self-confidence assessment has helped you, in the comments below.
P.S If you're ready to stop treading water, going round in circles, repeating unhelpful behaviours and actions and want to turbocharge your self-confidence I'd love to support you, to feel like my clients do.
Let's connect and talk about you, and how I might be able to support you. Click the link below to begin.