Do you feel nervous or resistant about using relationship and dating sites or are you online, but not connecting with your "type" of men?
It's understandable, why you would quickly become discouraged, jaded, and frustrated with it.
How are you meeting relationship minded men at the moment?
The most popular way to meet potential partners used to be through friends, family, socially, in your community, or at work.
It's how we prefer it, but studies are showing these methods have and continue to decline fast; whether you live in a small community or a big City.
It usually isn’t because there is a lack of decent single men. It's because your ideal man hasn't found you yet.
Single people are in abundance, and statistics show that there are almost as many single people as married couples.
Single is practically the New Normal.
• In the UK, recent statistics show that one-third of people have never married
• 28% men & 22% women live alone
• There are approximately 3 million single-parent households
• In the US about 50.2% (124.6 million) American adults are single. They outnumber married people.
• Divorce rates whilst falling are high. With recent statistics showing that more couples are divorcing in their 40's.
Therefore, your ideal partner is out there. He may not be in your City or Country at the moment, but he is hoping to meet someone like you.
The truth is if you’re ready and open to inviting a happy relationship into your life, but your dating plan or mindset is outdated, it will take you longer to achieve it.
When ideally would like to be in your ideal relationship?
It's realistic to add between six months to a year or two, to your ideal timeline, depending on how active you are, and if your dating compass is on track.
The more active and focused you are, the faster you will meet your ideal partner. You’ll need to meet a few men until you connect with the perfect one for you, and vice versa.
With that said, you owe it to yourself to ensure your dating plan is aligned with the modern way relationship-minded singles are connecting, dating and attracting relationships in our digital world.
That means including Relationship and Dating Sites to your dating plan
“It’s actually probably easier to meet people now than ever before, if you think about all of the incredible technologies we have to connect,” “But one big issue is people today are really looking for their soul mate, and they’re not going to compromise,” says Eric Klinenberg, a sociology professor at New York University and author of Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone
The stigma once attached to using Online Dating is outdated. It's now a credible and convenient way to connect, to other likeminded singles you would not ordinarily have the chance to meet in your day-to-day busy life.
The fact that only 2% of couples have met at a bar (eHarmony), tells us that isn't enough.
Relationship sites are now used more by relationship-minded singles in their 30’s 40’s and over than ever before.
- 50% of Adults know someone who met their partner online
- One in five Adults is using online dating
- 61% of adults who have tried online dating agree that it is easier and more efficient than other ways of meeting people.
- 31% of online daters agree that online dating keeps people from settling down because they always have options for people to date.
- The period between Christmas and Valentines Day sees an increase of 350% subscriptions on relationship sites.
So why do we resist and avoid Online Relationship Sites so much?
It’s absolutely true that it has its annoyances, and like most things in life, it isn’t perfect.
So let’s identify the most frustrating things about it.
Research tells us that women resist online dating, because of these reasons the most.
• The negative stigma attached to it, that it feels desperate.
• They worry about what people may think. It’s embarrassing.
• Feeling vulnerable and exposed because it’s public.
• They fear that they won’t receive messages or interest.
• They’ve heard negative stories from friends and don’t trust it.
• They’re afraid men lie, aren’t single or are who they say they are.
• The technology in frustrating and inaccurate
• The fear of being rejected or people disappearing
• The fear of the unknown
• They struggle to write their profile (22% of people ask their friends to help them)
• They feel it isn’t natural, or romantic
• They fear Moving Offline
Can you relate to these?
I felt this way about it over the years. I was in the 10% of women who signed up to a relationship site, and shut it down within 3 days, a few times.
However, I changed my method, and mindset, and recognized that it was one door of opportunity, that worked around my busy career.
The Annoyances with Online Dating are Easily Managed.
All of these concerns can be mitigated and managed with small mindset shifts, understanding how it works, as well as having a smart plan and online savvy to feel empowered using it.
You have enough strength and resilience, to manage the inevitable annoyances, without emotional attachment. It takes practice and patience to make it work for you.
The Risks are No Different to Dating Offline
Let’s be honest, dating is challenging generally.
The worst case scenarios we imagine about dating online, are no worse than those we experience offline.
We are taking the same calculated risk offline, and it’s worth it to attract your ideal partner and relationship.
These setbacks, are inevitable in life and dating.
There are no perfect solutions or guarantees either, but using resources and creating solutions will support you to reach your relationship goal, and this is one of them.
Despite these well-known negatives, millions are using online dating, actively connecting to quality singles, dating and attracting relationships.
It’s not because they all look like models or are luckier.
They also experience the same frustrations. They are just more resilient and well informed about how to filter out the suspicious, insincere daters, scammers, and low-quality profiles quickly, and only give their attention to the quality ones with potential.
The key to successful and fun dating is not to dwell on the negative possibilities because there are too many quality, relationship-minded men out there, and online hoping to meet someone like you.
The odd few bad examples are like flies, annoying, easy to swat away, and not worth taking you off track from your goal.
Your mission is to focus on how you will achieve your ultimate goal of attracting a meaningful, lasting relationship.
Online dating is simply one door you’re opening to create the possibility to meet your ideal partner.
Here are the Benefits and reasons, which outweigh the Annoyances.
• “Online” Dating isn’t “Dating”, but it leads to more dates.
It’s simply an online screening tool to generate potential connections, for off offline communication, then more dates if there is a spark and mutual interest.
The time you are online should be minimal, otherwise you could fall into one of the most common traps. It's never real until you talk and meet each other.
• It’s a practical solution for many single women & mothers
In their 30’s 40’s and 50’s especially with children, who have less time and aren’t comfortable to go out specifically to meet men.
• When used well, it’s effortless
It requires the minimum investment of time, energy, money, yet you have access to thousands of single relationship-minded men.
• Your options are not limited to location.
There endless possibilities to connect to quality singles internationally, who are open to a long distance relationship with the view to eventually ending the distance for love.
If you live in a City or Country with a smaller population, or with a ratio of less single men to women, you’re keeping yourself single for longer by limiting your search to that location.
Relationship ready men online are searching beyond their immediate location.
• There are 7000 sites to choose from.
They are not of the same calibre. You have hundreds of quality relationship sites, including niche sites to select. They are targeting the 7-10 types of singles, with different needs and relationship goals. You can select the site that matches yours and your personality type for the best results.
The Matching Algorithms are more sophisticated
The software and algorithms quality sites use have evolved since the first sites began in the 90’s. Some use sophisticated psychology-based personality profiling others use algorithms. They are not perfect but are more effective.
It is a “safe” and low-pressure place to return to dating
If you’re returning to the dating scene after a dating detox, it's an easy way to ease back into dating and practice, flirting, building your dating confidence and connecting with men.
• You are always in complete control, and blocking is easy.
You don’t meet anyone blindly unless that works for you. I recommend a conversation or two, and a skype /facetime chat before deciding to meet in person to make sure the photo matches the person, and to verify they are legitimate. You don't want to waste your time. Your defined qualifiers will guide your next steps (we identify these in your making online work for your coaching programme.)
• You have nothing to lose.
And quality connections, and a relationship to gain.
• It’s a confidence Booster
The process of marketing yourself, by creating a classy profile with fresh high-quality photos in your best light, is a confident booster in of itself, which shifts your energy. This has been one of the most transformative and motivating parts of the coaching programme for my clients. Even those who disliked having their photos taken.
Are you Online and not having Success?
If you’re online already, and not getting the results you expected.
It’s likely to be one or all of these reasons
- There is something in your profile, and/or with your photo that is unknowingly not resonating with your ideal matches to inspire connection with you.
It’s challenging writing about you as it is. Your online profile needs a particular style and attention to the tone, information and authentic personality you represent. It makes all the difference to receiving quality responses. The right photos create the first and lasting impression also, and have to be appropriate and high quality.
- Your messages are not creating a connection.
- You may be using the wrong type of relationship site for you.
- You are not maximising the potential of the site to make it work for you.
All of these are easily fixable with a profile makeover and some support in choosing better sites for you and navigating it.
Yes, but what if...?
If you still feel a strong resistance, even with support from a coach, it's understandable. Many do feel apprehensive, about dating off and online.
I encourage you to be sure that you are genuinely ready, open and available to invite a relationship into your life. You need to be sure you're dating with integrity and because you genuinely want a relationship.
Then acknowledge and accept why you have resistance, blocks to using relationship sites.
Take time to write down all of your current beliefs and fears about online dating?
Next, to each fear, write down the worst- case scenario.
For example, if you fear rejection. The worst case may be that a match you send a message to doesn’t reply.
Then for each worst-case scenario, decide what you will think about that instead. For example,
- It isn’t personal
- It’s the nature of online dating,
- I’ve saved my time and energy for other matches, who do want to connect with me.
- A tiny rejection didn’t stop me perusing my job, promotion, personal goals; it won’t stop me here either.
- I can delete and block him- You're in control, and you're not friends.
In my experience, and for most of my clients who were new to online dating, that first step to launch their profile, made them the most nervous, until they did it. They all felt, that it’s so much easier in practice after the preparation to understand how to navigate the site and make it work for them.
Try it and see.
To your success on your dating journey,
Best Maria x
Are you ready for relationship-minded men to find you online?
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"Maria has coached me from being quite nervous about returning to the dating scene, to being an enthusiastic and confident dater.
Within 5 weeks, I had created quality profiles, on two different dating sites, was receiving huge amounts of likes and messages and had been on 4 dates with three different men. And I’m confident it won’t be long until I find the person I deserve and want to be with for the rest of my life. With Maria's coaching I have surpassed my expectations" Ruth.