Do you have a habit of over thinking, analysing as well as having negative self-talk running through your mind when it comes to dating and meeting men?
Do you genuinely believe you will meet the perfect man for you, who will love and commit to you?
I understand that prospects may seem grim at times and it feels like hard work.
Dating today is overwhelming, competitive and requires effort, energy and time, to be proactive and to be found and seen by the Man you would love to be in a relationship with.
This is where your smart, strong, sassy, resilient skills used in your everyday life need to be remembered and practised- with a feminine edge. A confident, vibrant, fun, relaxed, vibe, needs to be applied authentically to your dating strategy.
This is the energy that alerts, intrigues and attracts men to approach and want to learn more. It's inevitable that non-committal men looking for fun will also be in the mix, but it's the high value, commitment-minded men, that you will invest your time and energy to get to know.
You're hampering your attractiveness to quality men when you allow the non-committal, flaky players to affect your positive energy and belief that you will meet a man right for you.
Your Level of Success in Attracting Quality Men begins with what you decide about how successful you will be
As a quality woman, you know what you're attracted to in a man.
Unfortunately, many women, don't entirely believe there will be a positive outcome from their attempts to date, or question if their perfect partner exists.
Here are some of the thoughts a coaching client shared with me recently, in response to me asking what her dating life looks like right now.
- I wonder if I am ever going to meet a "normal" man
- Men don’t want a serious relationship
- I had a couple of dates recently, and I didn't hear back from them- I don't know what I am doing wrong.
- I'm on a couple of dating sites, and it's just not happening- it's so hard and confusing.
- I feel like giving up because I'm thinking all men are the same,
- I think it’s my age - men want younger, prettier women, (she mentioned her age a few times. she's only in her 40's and looks 10 years younger and fabulous)
- I see younger girls approaching men and asking them out and think “is this what I should be doing as well”?
Have you ever thought one or more of these same thoughts?
Another popular comment, is I don't meet men, or I meet men, but not my type.
To which the question should really be, "where are your type of men, and where are you looking?"
I hear these comments regularly, and it's true that many women have convinced themselves that these are facts.
Dating is different now, and these situations are real, but to believe these are the entire reality of dating is incorrect. They're self-limiting beliefs. (I write more about how easy it is to fall into this trap HERE)
You decide and chose the experience you will have in your dating life, and you have much more influence and power than you realise.
Despite being smart, worldly, experienced and savvy, many quality women have developed these unconscious, deep-rooted negative beliefs about men, and dating based on their environment, bad experiences, the media, and their lack of dating and relationship success so far.
I know how confusing and disheartening it can be. This inspired my personal coaching programme for women, with a step by step strategy to date effortlessly with confidence, and clarity, so that you only invest in quality men and attract your ideal relationship.
Sharpening your dating savvy, refreshing your awareness about how men bond, and having a smart plan allows you to date from a position of high value, with a quiet, powerful, calm confidence.
FEAR BASED BELIEFS ABOUT MEN AND DATING DON'T SERVE YOU, AND WON'T RESULT IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
These negative thoughts, beliefs, feelings, judgements, and assumptions are coming from a place of lack and neediness within.
They are likely hindering your dating success so far because the focus is on problems, the lack, and what you don't want rather than the solutions and what your dream relationship is.
Until these fear-based beliefs about men are eliminated, you won't be presenting yourself with the right energy, mindset, or authenticity.
While your mind is saying you want a relationship, but deep down these are your current "normal" thoughts, then you are contracted, and not entirely open to attracting that perfect man for you.
The energy, thoughts, and feelings that you carry, also mirror back to you , so inevitably your fears are confirmed.
PRACTICAL TIPS FOR DATING FROM A PLACE OF SELF LOVE AND CONFIDENCE
With that said, here are some valuable tips to be mindful of, and start slowly implementing, which will have more rewarding results for you and in your dating life.
It takes practice and effort, and it will feel uncomfortable at first, but it's worthwhile as it allows you to step into your high- value woman status fully.
1. It may sound like a cliché, but genuinely loving yourself is the first step to attracting love
When you embodying this inner quiet, solid confidence, you don't date from a place of lack. This isn't loud or based on surface level attributes.
When you genuinely value yourself, feel happy, confident, loveable, and tuned into your feminine energy, you become more magnetic. This power attracts men to you effortlessly. It's when you feel this about yourself that a Man will feel it too. Real confidence is quiet and calm and doesn't require attention for validation.
2. Avoid generalisations and stereotypes about all men
Each person is unique and has their own set of beliefs, values, opinions, and attitude towards life. No two people are the same. Although we do see commonalities and behaviour patterns, we can't assume all are the same.
If you tend to be meeting, the same type of men, then it's essential that you expand and uplevel, your strategy and selection criteria, so that you connect with the right type of quality men.
4. The Right Man will be coming towards you without convincing and influencing.
He will see you as High Value when you lead with your feminine energy. This is much more than just appearance, age, hair colour, style, overt sexiness. These things may influence initial attraction- it doesn't maintain it. Quality men can appreciate the difference.
5. Practice dialing down your Masculine "doing" energy and amp up your Feminine energy.
Allow the man attracted to you, to come towards you. Being receptive, open and engaging inspires him to do that. If he doesn't, that's ok, keep going feeling fabulous and enjoying your life until the right man does- and he will!
Lean back, and take a more passive stance in dating and release these masculine energy traits and behaviours; doing, Initiating, planning, making decisions, nurturing, advising, competing, testing, analyzing, solving, explaining. We need these in our daily lives, but not when dating a masculine energy man.
7. Stay out of your Analytical head;
Start feeling more than thinking and planning ahead. When you lean back and just feel what's happening in the present, you are allowing your intuition to kick in, and you will know if it feels right and if it doesn't you will not invest and back away.
Finally, don't attach to an outcome. Keep your standards and relationship goal in mind, and avoid thinking ahead, even if the man you're dating talks about future plans.
Dating smart, also involves, not committing to dating just one person in the early stages. Avoid "waiting" to find out what a man feels for you, and if he will come towards you, allow him space to do that or not. Until then keep your opportunities open to all quality men.
Keep going, selectively meeting potential suitable dates until the right man comes towards you. Then decide. This way you are not coming from a place of need and are showing you have no agenda, or expectations with one man, which men are sensitive about and can detect.
This will intrigue the right man, and create a deeper attraction for you as he's working to earn your interest, attraction, and hopefully love over time.
Try these methods in your dating life, beginning with becoming truly confident from within, about being the wonderful woman that you are, deserving of a loyal, loving and happy relationship.
Love Maria xx
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