What makes someone attractive to you?
What exactly is it about a Man that sparks your curiosity, and interest making you want to know more?
Is it their looks, their sense of humour, their attitude to life?
What exactly creates the elusive Chemistry which most Single Ladies and Men need, to feel connected to a potential partner?
Matthew Hussey a Dating Coach for Ladies, shares his definition of the The Attraction Formula”, in his book Get the Guy. I agree with the smart way he dissects "Attractiveness", and all that it encompasses.
He says, and I agree that without all four components of the Attraction Formula being present, especially in the early stages of a relationship, it is unlikely that the relationship will be a long-lasting one. The formula isn’t needed for transient hookups – obviously.
THE ATTRACTION FORMULA =
Visual Chemistry +
Perceived Value +
Perceived Challenge +
1. Visual Chemistry
Without a doubt, visual attraction plays an important role for men, but it isn’t defined simply by how good looking you are, in fact, this only plays a small part of it.
Yes, really! Remember we are talking about emotionally mature, relationship-minded, smart Single Men.
It’s been proven that many extremely attractive people who are used to receiving a lot of attention for their looks, don’t feel a need to develop their character and personalities. We see this often, they effortlessly sail along being admired for their looks alone.
This is why they often don’t sustain relationships with people who have developed their character and personality and need deeper connections. So beauty and handsomeness aren’t usually enough if you're the latter kind. It’s just a small factor.
So, stay mindful not to overlook whether deeper long term compatibility can grow beyond a mans appearance. Science has proven people can overlook "bad behaviour" also due their partner being very attractive.
Visual Chemistry is actually based on a number of elements, the way you look, present and carry yourself, your posture, how you gesture, walk, talk, your facial expressions, your smile, how at ease with yourself, your outlook, how relaxed and animated you are and how you make someone feel in your company. All of these elements together create your magnetism, charisma and as Matthew says your own unique brew of charm and attractiveness.
What’s your Brew?
2. Perceived Value
You are a high-Value woman, this is a given, and you need to convey this to a potential future partner naturally and confidently without bragging, being boastful or arrogant. Be humble of course but confident in what you offer.
If you are Single and searching for a long-term relationship; how you market YOU is vital.
It’s important to show your; worth; high value; happy life, lifestyle; emotional health, so that what you are bringing to the relationship table is transparent, inviting and your potential partner can see what a worthwhile investment you are.
This is best conveyed in how positively you talk about yourself,your life, passions, your loved ones, which gived your partner a glimpse of the life your future partner will be sharing with you. Is it appealing and inviting to him?
3. Perceived Challenge
"People Value what they earn".
This isn’t about game playing or manipulation, which doesn’t create trust and is immature. It’s about being challenging in a positive way.
It’s proven that if something (you) is won or claimed too easily, no matter how valuable it is; many men don’t respect it, or want it in the same way.
Many studies, research, and relationship psychologists share this principal, that Men place more value on women if they can prove themselves to her.
Again not in a game playing fashion; an example is not always being available at the exact time, place, day, he would like to meet.
In reality, everyone has such busy lives that it’s highly likely to be the case anyway. However, you don't want to be the woman who always pushes aside, other commitments out of to be available and ready at the exact time she is asked to be by the man you're dating.
Definitely, show a willingness and flexibility to meet, as everyone has bust schedules and but with more scarcity in the very early stages
Your standards about how you want to be treated, will guide you here. Don't ignore them from a place of fear of losing his interest. A man, genuinely interested in you, won't be deterred that easily. . (I write more about that here)
Your future partner will integrate into your already well-rounded life. Value your time, and be smart about how much of your time you give away freely and easily in the early stages. Allow the time you invest to build over time as you get to know each other. It’s important to show that you are a Lady a Man has to earn. If a man isn’t flexible or willing to compromise, around your availability, he is showing that he isn’t sincerely interested in you.
If all the other ingredients are in place, but there is no connection; then the relationship isn’t likely to last.
To develop a deep connection with someone, you really need to understand what drives them, what their core motives, values, beliefs are and what they are all about. They also need to know yours; both need to be aligned and inspiring to both of you.
To do this, you need to be interested, and ask what their "Whys" are, not only their "What". Instead of asking theusual boring questions; What do you do, What are your hobbies? try Why do you do what you do? Why do you enjoy that hobby or interest? Open the conversation up to learn more deeply about someone.
Someone’s "Why" reveals their drivers in life and what they are motivated and passionate about. (I have a free Guide for you to help you to gain super laser clarity about your Dream Relationship, Man and Needs here)
The four elements of Matthews Attraction Formula aren’t revolutionary individually. As a four-step formula followed completely, it has been proven to have helped thousands of Single Ladies internationally.
When I evaluate the causes for many relationship breakups I hear about on a daily basis; it’s clear that steps have been missed from this formula especially in the early stages of a relationship; it also resonates with me personally.
In closing, with the Formula for Attraction in mind; take time to feel your best self, confident, happy and remind yourself of the high value you will bring to the relationship table of the person lucky enough to meet you.
Do you agree with the 4 step Attraction Formula?
Have you been using this method already?