There are some men who naturally and effortlessly attract attention and attraction from women.

It isn't just about their physical appearance or their style.

There are handsome men, with great style, but they don't possess these simple qualities and behaviours which spark respect and attention from quality commitment minded ladies. 

These simple behaviours and qualities can increase a man's attraction in a quality woman's eyes.

It's all about the way a man carries himself, his body language, how he engages in conversation with her and if the way he does this makes a woman feel trust in him. 

None of us is perfect. We have our innocent quirks, habits, and ways of doing things. These make us unique and different which is endearing and attractive. We should be authentic and real. 

In dating, though some of these habits and behaviours are also unintentional ATTRACTION KILLERS. 

Often we don't realise, and those closest to us don't want to hurt our feelings by telling us.  Both women and men have them.  

It takes having self-awareness and a small or no ego to accept that we can improve in some areas. 

There are great quality commitment-minded men who genuinely want to meet a great woman, but they don't realise that these simple things may be turning women off. 

There is a lot of pressure on men to make the first move, approach a lady appropriately, and to be charming.  

It can be daunting. It's not always easy to read the signs that it’s safe to make that move. 

The very common fear of rejection is always present, and it’s difficult to judge how to start a conversation and the perfect thing to say, without sounding like "another one of those men" .

The Man's guide to Women by Dr’s John and Julie Gottman outlines scientifically proven qualities which attract women to men.  It covers all aspects of attraction, from body language cues, conversation starters, dating and lasting relationships.

Their research results are based on talking with and studying 3000 successful, happy couples over a 30- year career as psychologists.

Their proven results are geared towards helping commitment minded men truly understand the qualities which attract women and help them become more universally attractive. 

Here are some under-estimated body language, and conversation tips which have been proven to make the difference between a woman not seeing you, not wanting to talk to you and being inspired and intrigued to learn more about you.  


The most important quality which attracts women

It’s been scientifically proven that Trustworthiness is the most important quality a woman is looking for in a man.

So if she feels a level of trust in you, her interest is alerted.  

The surprising fact is that men subconsciously show whether they are trustworthy or not initially, by their body language, and first conversations.  


Body Language

Your body language, voice tone and facial expressions account for 93% of communication all of which have a massive influence towards how you are perceived. The rest are words, which won’t be of interest to a woman if the rest hasn't created a positive first impression to a lady.


These body language skills have been proven to be the most attractive:

1.     Great eye contact, regular glancing and smiling naturally.  (Avoid staring, not blinking which is creepy).

2.    Being a space maximiser.  The man who takes up the most space stands confidently and straight is considered the most dominant and attractive.   

3.    Intra-gender touching. You often see men playfully slapping their male friends back, or holding their shoulder when their talking or similar; this shows dominance.


The least attractive is:

1.    Fidgeting and random nervous gestures with your hands.  It’s considered less dominant and desirable.

2.    High levels of stress. Low- stress men, are more desirable. i.e. if your facial expressions are intense, and look stressed as opposed to relaxed and happy

3.    Closed body movements, for instance, crossing your arms, crossing one arm across your body, crossing your leg at the knee. Although crossed arms can also just be a relaxed stance, not necessarily due to being closed. 

First Conversations

A woman is fundamentally looking for a man who is trustworthy.

If the first conversation with you, gives her a feeling of trust; physical and emotional safety, honesty and you show genuine interest, she will feel comfortable and interested.


Women are most attracted to a man who expresses himself with

1.    Emotional energy, passion about what he is talking about, asks questions and listens to the answers. 

2.    Confident body language

3.    Interest, warmth, and a genuine desire to get to know her.

4.    A sense of humour, as this indicates intelligence.

5.    Deeper voices. This can be practiced.


Here are proven first conversation guidelines which attract women:


Dos and Don’ts of Great First Conversations



  • Create safety by creating safe conversations. Doing this    shows you as a protector and confident.

  • Be a gentleman and have good manners

  • Ask her open- ended questions about her work and her    life.

  • Be transparent- That doesn’t mean reveal in depth detail  about yourself, but just enough. You want to avoid too    much in depth information too soon.  Scanning the room, being vague and not answering her questions doesn't make her feel safe or have confidence in you. 

  • Invite her to talk about herself.

  • Have good natural eye contact when she’s speaking, but don’t stare.

  • If you don’t agree with something she says, allow her to   finish her point, say ok and just give your view point         without de- valuing or dismissing her response.

  • Ask follow up questions to her answers for a natural flow, for example, if she says she hates her job, ask what would you rather be doing. You get to know more about her passions that way. 

  •  Be fully yourself, authentic and open.


If the above tips are used by men only to manipulate or seduce women; the cracks will show. People at their core, don’t change, who they are, and how they treat others will never change.   Real trust is established when these behaviours are shown consistently over a period of time.     



  •         Don't interrupt her mid- sentence

  •         Don’t hurry her,

  •         Don’t dominate the conversation,

  • Avoid giving her advice, or telling her what she should be doing. This kind of controlling behavior isn't attractive even though your intentions are good. If she asks for your  opinion, you can share your insights but be brief. You  don't know her yet. 

  • Over the top flattery. A compliment is welcome but too much isn’t considered genuine. 

  •   Don’t use sexual innuendos, talk about sex or make inappropriate            comments.  This makes you look desperate and makes her associate negative feelings  with you and you don’t want that.  

  • Don’t tell offensive jokes i.e. about race, religion, cultures etc you don’t know her friends and family, regardless it’s bad taste universally. 

  •   Don’t talk about or criticize ex- girlfriends, ex- wives or    people in general. This is a reflection of your character    which doesn't leave a positive impression. 

  •   Don’t tell stories that turn you into a victim, talk more      about your positive experiences, and your aspirations in  life.

  • Don't scan the room and check other girls when you are together

  • Don’t ask her if she likes you- as this comes across as       needy and insecure. It’s better to ask for her number and call her an invite her out if you would like to. If she says  no, don’t take it personally.   

  • Don't stick to her like glue if you are in a group, or she is with friends. Give her space. Be mindful that she may want  to go back to her company, or circulate and talk to more people. Let her know that it was good to meet her, and be sure to catch up with her again, before either of you leave, but allow some space. It shows your confidence.   

So it’s worthwhile reflecting, and practicing a few of these positive tips, if you need to.

It's been proven that they will increase your attractiveness to quality ladies, who look for more substance beneath the surface regardless of looks, education, and wealth.      


Maria x

If you would like clarity about your dating strategy, how to attract and date quality potential partners, support to overcome barriers holding you back from moving forward in your dating life.  Book a FREE initial 30-minute dating strategy review Skype call with me to ensure you are on the best path for dating and relationship success