One of the most common reasons that dating someone new doesn't progress to a relationship; and why some relationships end as quickly as they started, for secure emotionally healthy and happy men and women is they were turned- off by needy and controlling behaviour. 

Often emotionally, dependant (needy) people don’t realise how they make their date/ partner feel.  Their need for constant validation and control is the only thing they can focus on to feel good. 

If it’s a healthy, happy, secure, loving, respectful and committed relationship you are striving for; one of the most important things you can do to prepare for that relationship is to simply remember nobody wants to be controlled.  Additionally, it isn’t anybody else’s responsibility to make anyone feel secure about themselves. It’s Ours.

If you are dating a needy person; or based on the list below know you have a tendency to be emotionally dependent,  it’s important to recognise that this doesn’t  create the strong foundation for a happy successful and fun relationship.  

A secure, emotionally healthy, happy person is attracted to someone who has perceived high value; self- respect and knows their self- worth- not in an arrogant way.  

Needy behaviour sends the message of having low self-worth, and keeps the great partner and relationship that you want further away.

Here are 20 great examples of what needy behaviour looks like. Originally featured in the unified soul theory blog by Robyn Reich


1. You are often jealous when your partner spends time with other people.

2. Your partnership is causing you or your partner to withdraw from relationships and hobbies that used to be important.

3. You find yourself feeling possessive of your partner. You don’t trust other women/men around him/her. You are afraid your partner will be stolen away from you.

4. You text and call intensely throughout the day and week and become upset if this isn't reciprocated.  

5. When your partner is not with you, you feel empty, alone, or bored.

6. You need constant reminders that your partner loves you.

7. You will cancel plans with family or friends to spend time with your partner.

8. You fish for compliments.

9. You like to have some degree of control over your partner. If they don’t do what you want them to, you feel distraught.

10. Your partner’s validation is more important than your own.

11. If you lost your partner, you fear that you would be unable to move on with your life.

12. Your partner has to meet specific expectations. If not, you do not feel loved or safe.

13. You pressure your partner to do or say things that they are not comfortable with.

14. You give in to pressure from your partner to say or do things that you are not comfortable with.

15. If your partner does not call when you expect them to, you feel anxiety. You worry that they no longer love you.

16. Your sense of self-worth relies on your partner’s affection and approval.

17. You are more focused on your partner’s feelings for you than on their identity and personality.

18. You feel that you can change your partner into the person you want to be with.

19. Who your partner is on the inside does not matter as much as who they appear to be in front of you and others.

20. You tend to idealise people, and then fall apart when they do not live up to your image of them.

Successful relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, acceptance and love. If you are dating someone new who is doing this; will this behaviour make you happy or drained, on edge and controlled. You shouldn’t invest more time and energy with someone who doesn’t inspire you and enhance your happiness. 

If you recognise that you tend to be needy in relationships; in order to find that happy relationship you deserve, you need to take time and invest in finding fulfilment, feeling secure and happy first, as nobody will be able to do that for you, regardless how amazing they are. Your happiness is worth that in the long run.  

If you would like support to become more secure and confident in attracting the relationship you deserve, contact me for a no- obligation chat about how my coaching programme can provide you with the practical guidance, insights and tools  to date with clarity and confidence.