Have you been stuck in the dating scene for way too long?
Our next interview is with Maria Christie.
She’s a certified Life Coach and draws on her experience as a former Matchmaker, to support women to become their own smart, selective matchmaker. Her blog has been featured on Digital Romance, Dating Warehouse, and has received the 75 Dating Blog award by Feedspot.
Let’s get right to it!
I always loved working with people, my previous career was in Hospitality which took me to different locations all over the world. It was fun but I knew it wasn’t my real passion. When I trained with the Coaching Academy as a Life Coach, back in 2005, I knew this would be my next chapter in life.
I made the leap a few years later, and launched my personal coaching business, combining my favourite elements of my previous career. I now coach lovely successful women frustrated or jaded with their current dating lives to regain control and confidence to achieve their relationship and life goals.
What services do you offer?
Dating can be somewhat stressful, how do you recommend coping with the stress?
My clients usually begin their coaching feeling this way. It’s understandable because dating today can be overwhelming. I believe 80% of having a thriving and successful dating life and attracting your ideal partner, is the preparation you do before you even begin dating.
We have to remember that most men and women in a great relationship have also experienced these same feelings. The good and bad bits in dating are on the same road, but you can reduce the bad parts by arming yourself with smart tools, knowledge, and techniques which also gives you the edge in dating.
If you’re feeling like this, I recommend taking a step back and re-adjusting your mindset, your standards, remembering why you’re doing it, what your ultimate relationship goal is. Also, remember the qualities you have to offer, and how to magnetise these, then create a fresh smart strategy without being rigid. We underestimate how important this is, but we do it in our careers all the time.
That foundation sets you up to be resilient, have an inner quiet confidence, and the smart strategy needed to create lots of opportunities to connect with quality potential dates. Once this is done, dating becomes more effortless, and fun, as it should be.
In your opinion, what are the top traits women look for in men? And vice versa?
There are a few but from my experience working with women, the top traits are to feel safe and secure with their man in the sense that he is quietly strong by being confident, reliable, consistent, respectful, and does what he says he’s going to do.
Beyond the initial attraction, men commit to a woman he feels great being around, is in touch with her softer feminine side when they’re together, and is respected for what he brings to the relationship table, regardless how successful and accomplished the woman is.
What would you say is most important thing to do before a first date?
I recommend taking time to detach mentally from your busy day and de-stress. I also recommend not overthinking it, avoid attaching to any kind of outcome. Keep an open mind, and go with the goal to have an open, genuine, fun engaging conversation.
Online dating – Yes or No? Why?
Definitely! Dating is about creating many opportunities to connect with quality potential dates. Online dating is one of many doors to keep open. It’s a great resource and a shame not to make the most of the quality sites available.
The reality is, the chances of meeting the right person, at the right time in the right place are slim, especially if you live in a small community. Whereas millions of quality single men and women use online dating because we’re all so busy. So, it’s a shame not to make your presence known online.
What do you think is the best app/dating site for meeting someone?
There are hundreds of great sites geared to different age groups, personalities, interests and relationship goals. We’re lucky now that there is enough research, data, and reviews to learn enough about the site before you join.
eHarmony and OkCupid are always voted in the top 10 and have been established for years. I’ve also used them, and suggest these two as a starting point. Then, I recommend looking at more niche and location specific sites after that.
Paying a subscription generally increases the quality of potential matches, so avoid just using free sites.
How important is your online dating profile? What should it include? What shouldn’t it include?
Taking time to create a quality profile which captures your essence, with high-quality photos will make the difference between standing out to your ideal matches and being invisible.
Generally, I recommend avoid generic terms and descriptions, be as specific as possible so that your individuality shines, share examples and stories of your favourite things, and personality traits instead of just listing qualities. Stay positive, classy and lighthearted.
Doing this draws the people to you, that are genuinely interested.
Do you think one should play “The Game” if they’re looking for a serious relationship?
My definition of “ the game” is showing up, taking part and being smart if you want to achieve your goals in life and relationships. I don’t agree with the manipulative type of games. Genuine, good people that are serious about attracting a committed relationship don’t have time for that. They can also generally detect game playing from a mile away, so you’re risking your reputation as a potentially great match by trying to control your date or the outcome.
What do you recommend doing in order to keep the fire burning?
Relationships mature, over time, and to keep the fire burning I recommend never taking your partner for granted, and working together as a team to maintain the appropriate amount of effort throughout the relationship that you made at the beginning. It takes effort and commitment not to allow life’s obstacles to take over your bond and keeping it fresh.
I was working with a client on his online dating profile. He had been online for a year without any luck or connections. We went to work to upgrade it. He had professional photos done, which he was really proud of, especially as he hated having his photos taken. Soon after he launched his new profile, he had much more success, engaging with women internationally etc.
Except in the mix, he received messages from women accusing him of having a fake profile. We couldn’t help but shake our heads and giggle in a sad sort of way. He was so keen to turn his luck around online, and when he did, he still couldn’t win with some ladies. He offered to skype them so they could see him in person. She disappeared.
This was a funny/sad reminder that good guys go through a tough time in dating as well, which we don’t hear about as much.
Thank you, Maria, for your great advice!
By Pauline Plott