12 PRINCIPALS FOR DATING SUCCESS
With so many dating books and online dating advice available today, not to mention the opinions freely given by friends and family: the do's and don’ts of dating can be overwhelming.
The advice based on facts is helpful and gives us insights and encouragement in the right direction. The sheer volume of information out there though, can make us second guess ourselves and wonder if we are dating the "right" way.
I don't believe in dating rules, ONLY in setting a strong foundation for dating success, which starts with us.
With that said, here are my "12 Back to Basics Principals for Dating Success" to support you to build that strong foundation, to date confidently, trust yourself and have fun without overwhelm and confusion
I recommend keeping these in mind as your dating compass to keep you on track during your dating journey.
1. PREPARE TO TAKE ACTION
Understand that Attracting Love requires Work.
As unromantic as it sounds, the truth is, meeting the right partner, and the right time and place is rare.
It’s a different dating world today, and if you genuinely and wholeheartedly want to attract your ideal partner, you have to accept our reality, which is that it requires effort, action, a positive, resilient attitude, and a smart strategy to give yourself the best chance possible to meet each other.
This isn’t about being desperate or needy, it’s about understanding that in order to achieve your goal, and you have to do something about it.
It can take time, so avoiding it, or giving up over inevitable bad dates, will keep you further away from it.
Instead, consider changing things up, pushing past your comfort zone to create more exciting opportunities to meet potential new dates.
Ask yourself how what you’re doing now is working for you?
Is it time to refresh?
If you’re re-active now and believe "it will happen when it happens" or "you never find it when you're looking for it," it's a myth.
It's logical that you will attract love when you're pro-active and take consistent action. It's the same principal for everything in life.
You also don't want to be too rigid about it, as this will affect your magnetic energy. Balance is key.
Ultimately, you're responsible for achieving your relationship success and life happiness.
2. STOP BELIEVING THE “STORY” YOU’RE TELLING YOURSELF
By story, I mean all the reasons you’ve decided are now facts as to why it’s “difficult” or “impossible” to find the right partner
We've all heard these right?
Men never approach me; Women aren’t approachable; Men are scared of strong, successful women; Men want supermodels; I only attract younger or married men; All the good men are taken; I need to lose weight / get in shape first. Or, I’m terrible at dating.
The list goes on and can be endless!
How is thinking about these things helping you? My guess is, not at all!
As cliché as it sounds, the truth is if you invest your energy believing negative thoughts like this, you will look for evidence of these being true. And you will find it.
What would you rather believe?
You owe it to yourself to re-adjust your attitude and beliefs so that they are supportive and serve you rather than hold you back.
Don’t limit yourself and play small by accepting and believing negative thoughts and opinions about your “circumstances”. This is outdated programming and you need to upgrade.
Consider them “fake” facts and challenge them.
Replace the old programming with a new story that you will attract a happy relationship with your ideal partner, as have millions of other single men and women internationally.
Then start investing your time and energy in how best you can start taking smart consistent focussed steps towards attracting the relationship you want.
It needs patience, and it's worth it.
3. ABANDON RIGID DATING "RULES"
The energy and tone you set at the start of dating should be light, trusting, and open.
Arming yourself with dating savvy and knowledge makes you more high value, than acting on rigid dating "Rules". Rules come from a place of fear, control, and manipulation and can unknowingly breed mistrust in the person you’re dating. It’s also hard work.
To genuinely discover the person you're dating, and learn if a real connection and chemistry can develop, you need to avoid this kind of game-playing strategy.
Replace rules with understanding, self-awareness and concentrate on presenting the best and true version of yourself instead.
Consider all the information, which resonates with you, keep it in mind, and then trust yourself to judge each situation in a smart and informed way.
There isn't a perfect answer, to every dating scenario. There are always unexpected surprises along the way.
Attracting love involves learning about you during your dating journey, and evolving. Stay open to it and resilient.
4. DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT & HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED
Be clear first about the values, morals, standards, and character you want in your ideal partner, and those you are also bringing to the relationship table.
For a real, lasting and happy relationship, these need to go beyond superficial qualities.
If your date doesn't "show”, you that your values, standards, and relationship goal are aligned, or has behaviours, habits, and personality traits, which are non-negotiable for you, be super selective in how much more time and energy you invest and move on quickly. Simple!
Balancing your head, emotions and paying attention is key so that you keep a healthy objectivity while you're discovering your partner.
This is especially true if your date is extremely attractive. Not that we need science to prove this, but it isn’t a myth that bad behaviour is excused in the name of “ hotness”.
5. VALUE AND RESPECT YOURSELF
As a high-value woman or man, you have respect for yourself, and others, and clear standards in place like good manners, courtesy, engaging conversation.
You’ll intuitively know if you're not valued, and respected in return
Don't continue in a negative situation, when you don’t feel good about it based on these basic qualities.
Respecting yourself and your needs maintain your high value and are your best defence to handle being taken for granted; pressured into moving too fast, or low-quality behaviour.
Keep a happy, balanced life and network of supportive trusted friends and family to prevent you from investing too soon in your date. Not always being available is a good thing and maintains a little mystery.
6. BE AUTHENTIC
Revealing your true nature, charisma and personality from the first date gives your date an insight into the real you, and how it will feel being in a relationship with you.
Relationship-Mind men and women don't have time to invest energy in the "guarded and perfect" version of you to learn later that there is a different person behind it.
Of course, everyone is on their best behaviour in the early stages of dating, but more real you are, flaws and all, the sooner you will know if there is a real connection.
It’s common for many relationships to end at the 3-6 month mark when the "mask" falls off, and you don’t have time to waste like that.
If you're holding back, take the time to reignite your positive qualities, attributes, and strengths, which make you attractive, unique, and loveable. You need to believe in yourself, for your date to see these qualities as well.
7. AVOID OVER THINKING
Make a decision, to detach from analysing, over-thinking and taking the opinions of others and even yours at times, to heart.
You know yourself better than anyone does. Connect with your feelings and how you want your date to treat you. How you feel during and after each date should be your guide along with these other principals.
Doing this gives you the chance to observe your dates consistent behaviours and actions over a few dates, and learn who they are as a person without the mind chatter.
You'll then instinctively know when it "feels" right to take the next step. That's usually because of an equal exchange of care, attention, time, energy, and expression of feelings.
Do keep in mind though; that the way someone behaves with you during the first few dates (when you are strangers) isn't necessarily a reflection of what kind of partner they will make. It’s too soon to tell unless there are glaring red flags and no attraction at all.
When someone likes you, and you’ve developed some trust and connection, they’ll be more invested, and that can take time to build. It can’t be rushed.
8. DON'T ACT OR REACT FROM FEAR
We use resilience all the time to manage life’s obstacles and challenges. That same resilience is essential in dating.
The annoying bumps in the road, and finally meeting the one, are on the same road. Most people brave enough to be out there, dating, also experience the same ups and downs.
It’s important to take these inevitable setbacks in your stride and never personalize them.
Consider each set back a lucky escape!
This will help you in times when you're feeling anxious about how your date feels about you, or hasn't reciprocated in the way you wanted, or isn’t moving the relationship forward as quickly as you would like to.
Bare in mind in the beginning stages, a lot may be happening in your dates' life that they are not sharing with you- they don't owe you an explanation when you don't know each other.
If something is off, and you're concerned, raise it in a non-confrontational way, but never act from fear or insecurity. Keep your ego in check!
Give your date space, and time to respond and when the time is right, talk about what’s on your mind and express your feelings without expectation.
If you don’t feel comfortable or reassured by the response, hold back a little, and give your date more space. You will know if it’s a small bump or the end soon enough, without it being forced.
Meanwhile, relax and carry on enjoying your busy life, and connecting with more quality dates.
9. RELEASE ATTACHMENT FROM THE OUTCOME
To avoid overly investing too soon, in the very early stages of dating, never judge, overanalyze the outcome prematurely, or assume anything about the person you're dating or the status of your relationship.
Be present for each moment you’re with your date, and enjoy discovering who they are, their passions, needs, values, and goals.
You’re not in a relationship, even if it feels like it until you have both communicated and confirmed mutual feelings of attraction, and interest to be exclusive with each other and agree you’re in a relationship.
In the meantime, don’t “wait” and see where it’s going. Continue connecting with other potential dates and enjoying your life.
10. BURY THE PAST- IT'S OVER
Do the work to clear most of your baggage, hurt, blind spots, barriers from the past so that it doesn't influence your dating life. Stay aware of yourself and if your reactions are triggered by past wounds, and upset.
Understand this is human, and you can't switch them off overnight, but moving forward optimistically and expecting a better relationship for you, will also support the healing process.
Everyone has past hurts and disappointments. The past doesn’t dictate your future relationship success unless you haven’t done the work to be open and trusting again.
It’s always wise to take it slow and be cautious in any new relationship while you’re building trust, and discovering each other.
Remember it isn’t your new partner’s responsibility to fix your past hurt, and it isn’t fair to impose that expectation on anyone. That's your job!
11. HAVE A SMART STRATEGY
In the same way managing your career, business, family life takes planning, and a consistent investment of time energy and effort so does your dating life.
Almost everyone is busy! Filling your life with busy-ness, and not making space and time and being open to attract a relationship won’t result in one. Make sure your busy-ness isn't an excuse.
Create a plan of action and strategy to create opportunities to and start taking steps towards attracting your ideal partner and relationship.
Consider, where your ideal date is likely to be searching for their match or socialising and ensure you’re making your presence known there.
If you’re doing everything, consider refreshing, trying new quality dating sites, as well as different kinds of networking events, that you haven’t tried. Stay open, and be prepared to be surprised.
12. EXPECT TO ATTRACT A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.
Stay positive, resilient and maintain the strong belief within you, that you WILL attract the perfect partner for you. You deserve that, and with effort and being open and receptive it will absolutely happen.
One thing we mustn’t do is give up!
Meanwhile, enjoy your life and the freedom and fun, that being single gives you. The radiance and energy you have doing this, in itself is attractive and sparks interest.