During my recruitment career, I used to feel excited when I met that one impressive candidate with the “edge” over a sea of boring, unmemorable, ones. They were effortlessly impressive and dynamic .
As a Matchmaker and Dating coach, I have noticed that the same principals apply in dating today with men and women searching for that one impressive “candidate” for a great relationship.
Some single men and women seem to succeed in dating effortlessly. They have perfected their game. The good kind!
They have a positive attitude and energy. They're also authentic and make the effort. It isn't completely free of occasional disappointments, confusion, and frustrations but they understand that these small bumps in the road come with the dating territory.
In this blog, I'll be talking about the common qualities High-Value men or the Nice guys with "Edge" have which inspire attraction in women.
We hear countless reasons why high value, attractive, successful, relationship ready women have NOT been impressed or attracted to a man they dated and weren't inspired to invest more time.
Some reasons are down to being too picky, but overall there are common and distinct differences between the men which have that “edge” and inspire interest and attraction in women; and those who are forgotten by the time she returns home or by the end of the week/month.
Looks, wealth, career success etc have some importance but don't sustain deep attraction and connection alone.
16 TRAITS OF THE HIGH-VALUE MAN
1) THEY ARE PRO-ACTIVE NOT REACTIVE
They have a plan and goals, in life and apply this to dating. They make an effort; take the initiative and take the lead by making plans and following through.
2) LASER FOCUSSED ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
They know what they are looking for in a relationship, why they want it, have a vision about what it will look and feel like, and take consistent action to attract it with class, quiet confidence, and style.
3) HONEST AND HAVE INTEGRITY
They are honest and respectful with the people in their lives. Even it means someone may be upset with them. They understand that being upfront and honest is more respectful and expect it themselves.
4) KIND, THOUGHTFUL, CARING AND GENEROUS
They invest time with people, because they care and genuinely want to, not because they are going to gain something in return.
In dating, they are up front about whether they are looking for casual dating or for a relationship. If the woman he is dating is looking for a relationship and he is not, he has the integrity not to mislead her and lets her go before intimacy under false pretense.
He has a genuine spirit of generosity with his time, energy and understands that dating means paying for his date for the first few dates at least. (point 12 relates to this point also)
5) INDEPENDENT OPINIONS
They are independent thinkers, express their opinions respectfully, and respect and appreciate opinions that are different to theirs.
They are inspired by passions in their life, whether it’s their career, hobbies, or interests and actively get involved or are working towards it. If they hate their job, they don’t focus on that, they find enjoyment in their passions and work towards changing their circumstances.
7) MENTALLY TOUGH
They can manage and handle challenging life situations with low drama. They don’t hide. They also challenge themselves to push past their own comfort zones.
8) EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT.
They have reached the “Adult” phase of Emotional Intelligence or working towards it. They can communicate openly, honestly, and confidently about what they want and need and listen equally effectively even though it may feel uncomfortable to them. (the 3 stages of emotional intelligence)
9) RESPECT WOMEN
They appreciate and respect women in their own right, and don’t buy into generalisations and stereotypes.
10) EVOLVED ROMANTICALLY
High-value men have de-programmed their teenage skills (12-16) with regard to romance and sex. They don’t rely on the same adolescent tactics, porn sites and bad “pick up” tricks to connect with women.
They are more discreet, sophisticated and understand that connecting and romancing a high-value- women needs more advanced skills, starting with being genuine and approaching her as a friend, not a conquest.
They make decisions with confidence; if it’s planning a date, he decides the place. If his date suggests somewhere else he listens, considers otherwise he sticks to his decision, and doesn’t flounder.
They are strong and have clear boundaries. He isn’t a pushover and communicates easily and directly if someone has crossed his boundaries. He is astute and aware when someone is taking advantage of his good nature or not appreciating him, and handles it in a low-drama way.
They have healthy self-esteem and have great conversations easily with a variety of different people. They don’t have the need to be the center of attention and genuinely enjoy listening and showing interest in people.
They consciously bring a good energy and vibe to their dates and want to leave people with a good feeling.
If they are unclear or confused by a situation, they ask questions with the view to understanding someone’s position, feelings, thoughts without pre-judgment or assumptions
15) KNOW THEIR VALUE AND ARE HUMBLE
They have an aura of quiet confidence. They have developed the capability to be open to love despite their fears and occasional self-doubt, which is human nature. They don't allow their fears to hold them back; they can handle rejection with grace and without taking it personally.
They don’t need validation from outside sources in the form of material possessions or lots of attention to feel good- they just feel good.
16) DOESN'T TAKE HIMSELF TOO SERIOUSLY.
They have the great quality to be able to laugh at themselves, and not take themselves too seriously. The laugh easily and have a healthy, smart sense of humour.
Nobody is perfect, successful dating requires an awareness of yourself and the person you want to attract and be in a relationship with.
Attraction is very subjective and individual. For the best opportunities to attract and keep that wonderful partner you want, it’s always helpful to not only know clearly what your core needs and standards are, but to understand the values, behaviours, energy, attitude your perfect partner is looking for; without assuming or pre-judging.
It isn’t usually what you have been led to believe or hear from people around you, who are sharing their opinions based on their perceptions, personal experiences, lives and not yours.
a) What does the woman/man I want to attract want
b) What qualities inspire him/her that I am not practicing as much
c) What can I do to develop these qualities?
This gives you the edge in dating and closer to your perfect “candidate”
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If you need help to discuss your dating strategy, contact me for your FREE confidential 30 minute dating strategy review – skype call.