Successful dating and happy relationships require developing smart, perceptive dating skills.
There are the obviously important skills in terms, of inner confidence, presentation, energy, but more importantly, it's your readiness emotionally.
Your level of Emotional Maturity, and of the people you date ultimately determine your level of dating success
One simple reason many Single women and men don’t enjoy their dates and have very short-lived relationships is that they have vastly difference dating and relationship skill levels to each other, in terms of communication and their ability to connect.
Dr Susan Winter – Leading Relationship Expert defines Emotional Maturity as “having mastery over yourself; your life and relationships” When you've reached this level, and selectively date people also at this skill level, you can confidently and effortlessly enjoy dating and happy relationships.
Emotional Maturity does not reflect someone’s age. You can be fifty and have the dating skills and capabilities of a child, or twenty and have the emotional maturity of an adult.
When you are clear about your relationship goals, and why you want it, it's then important to take responsibility to develop the skills to date effectively and assertively to ensure you enjoy the process and have the relationship you aspire to have.
Susan Winter identifies three distinct stages of Emotional Maturity in dating and the behaviour patterns that accompany each
THREE LEVELS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY
This is when a persons behaviour is reactive. They can be very excited and happy when things are going well and their needs are met and will withdraw when they feel fear, create drama or conflict. They can also bounce back and forward, with the hot and cold behaviour, play games, have temper tantrums, create problems, blame others, be intense and impatient,
They have developed into a the adult child, by having awareness of their reactions and their communication style. They can self-analyse and self-reflect and have the skills to apologise and want to grow.
They are connected to the feelings of falling in love. They can manage their emotions and feelings, which includes their fears and uncertainties. They have also developed their communication skills and can confidently share their thoughts and feelings, and answer questions in a non- threatening, non-judgemental and non-accusatory or defensive way with the intention of making themselves understood.
Their end goal is problem resolution, peace and a harmonious relationship
It’s common to have moments at times of slipping back into the immature phase.
The Emotionally Mature Adult phase is when a person is the most skilled at dating and has the most fun and success as long as they are also dating someone at the same dating skill level as them.
If you are Emotionally Mature and are dating someone who isn’t as skilled as you in relationships, this inevitably leads to challenges with communication, understanding, consistency in rational behaviour and conduct by them.
You may have experienced this already. The solution is to avoid personalising or rationalising the behaviour and know you are not going to change a person who isn't at the same level of emotional maturity as you.
Avoid investing and give them space. If a person isn't in that emotionally mature state of relationship readiness; they will find dating, connecting, investing, sharing, caring and making themselves vulnerable to fall in love very challenging with poor behaviour usually directed at you. It will be draining, and you will be left second guessing yourself often.
Only they can evolve their emotional maturity over time with self-awareness, willingness, practice and feeling ready to be vulnerable and honest.
If it’s a committed, happy, harmonious relationship you are looking for, it’s worthwhile ensuring your dating skills are sharp, by learning, observing, and getting plenty of practice dating people who match your maturity level.
When you do that, you can focus on the great aspects of dating; enjoying meeting new and interesting people, flirting, and learning in the meantime if you have shared values, relationship goals, and enough chemistry to invest further.
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