Ladies, do you find yourself over thinking, analysing as well as having negative self-talk running through your minds when it comes to dating and meeting men?
Do you truly believe you will meet the perfect man for you, who will love and commit to you?
I understand that prospects may seem grim at times and it feels like hard work. Dating today is overwhelming, competitive and requires effort, energy and time, to be proactive and to be seen by the Man you would love to be in a relationship with.
This is where your smart, strong, sassy, resilient skills used in your everyday life need to be remembered and practised- with a feminine edge. That positive, confident, vibrant, fun, cool, vibe, needs to be applied authentically to your dating strategy.
This is the energy that alerts, intrigues and attracts men to approach and want to learn more. It's inevitable that non-committal men looking fun will also be in the mix, but it's the high value, commitment-minded men, that you will invest your time and energy to get to know.
You are hampering your attractiveness to quality men, when you allow the non-committal, flaky players to affect your positive, energy and belief that you will ever meet a man right for you.
DATING SUCCESS STARTS WITH DATING FEARLESSLY
Smart, Selective ladies know this and expect this level of energy from the men they date.
Unfortunately many ladies, don't actually believe there will be a positive outcome to their dating attempts and that their perfect partner doesn't exist in real life or in their location.
Here are some of the thoughts a coaching client shared with me recently, in response to me asking what her dating life looks like right now.
- I wonder if I am ever going to meet a "normal" man
- Men don’t want a serious relationship
- I had a couple of dates recently and I didn't hear back from them- I don't know what I am doing wrong.
- I'm on a couple of dating sites and it's just not happening- it's so hard and confusing.
- I feel like giving up because I'm thinking all men are the same,
- I think it’s my age - men want younger, prettier women, (she mentioned her age a few times. she's only in her 40's and looks 10 years younger and fabulous)
- I see younger girls approaching men and asking them out and think “is this what I should be doing as well”?.
Have you ever thought one or more of these same thoughts?
I hear these comments so regularly and have realised some women are convinced these are facts and not a negative perception.
Many women despite being smart, worldly, experienced, savvy, have developed these unconscious, deep-rooted negative beliefs about men and dating based on their environment, bad experiences, the media, and their lack of dating and relationship success so far.
I know how confusing and disheartening it can be. Dating used to confuse me, I was uncomfortable with it which stemmed from a lack of confidence and not really knowing myself. I didn't know how to date confidently and have fun like so many of my friends. I didn’t understand men and found myself hoping to be liked by them without considering they might not be right for me. I was lost.
In fact, I once went on a date with a gorgeous guy that I was star struck by, and took him a gift on the first date! It was a little book about being a best man- because he was going to be his brothers best man. I naively believed it was a thoughtful thing to do. I seem to remember he smirked, and "forgot" the book at the bar. See! I was clueless with men.
Soon after I started learning as much as I could about myself, dating and relationships, communication, attraction, and the ingredients of successful, happy relationships. Now that I have learned a lot, and still learning; I’m implementing tools and strategies effortlessly based on my knowledge and how I feel, without games and with clarity.
My goal is to share these tools, aswell as an appreciation and understanding of men with smart, savvy ladies like you successful in life, and who want a high quality relationship with a man to compliment it. My private Coaching programme provides these insights, to date effortlessly with confidence, clarity, saving you energy, time and disappointments by investing in men, which aren’t right for you.
FEAR BASED BELIEFS ABOUT MEN AND DATING DOESN'T RESULT IN SUCCESSFUL DATES
These negative thoughts, beliefs, feelings, judgements and assumptions are coming from a place of lack and neediness within. They are likely hindering your dating success so far because the focus is on problems and what you don't want rather than the solutions. Having the self-awareness and the tools and guidance helps you date from a much more powerful, calm and confident place.
Until these fear-based beliefs about men are removed ladies, you won't be presenting yourselves authentically, and be completely open to meeting that perfect man for you. The energy, thoughts and feelings that you carry mirror back to you in real life, so inevitably your fears are confirmed.
PRACTICAL TIPS FOR DATING FROM A PLACE OF SELF LOVE AND CONFIDENCE
With that said, here are some valuable tips to be mindful of and to start slowly implementing, which will have more rewarding results for you and in your dating life.
It takes practice and effort, and it will feel strange at first, but worthwhile as it allows you to fully step into your high- value woman status.
1. It may sound like a cliché but unless you start genuinely loving yourself and showing this confidently and calmly, you will date from a place of lack.
When you genuinely value yourself, feel happy, confident, positive, are tuned into your feminine energy and truly believe that you are loveable, attractive and deserving of a great relationship; this energy attracts men to you effortlessly. It's only when you feel this about yourself that a Man will feel it too. True confidence is quiet and calm and doesn't require attention for validation.
2. Avoid generalisations and stereotypes about all men and women.
Each person is unique and has their own set of beliefs, values, opinions and attitude towards life. No two people are the same. Although we do see commonalities and behaviour patterns, we can't assume all are the same.
4. The Right Man should be coming towards you without convincing and influencing.
He will see you as High Value when you lead with your feminine energy. This is much more than just appearance, age, hair colour, style, overt sexiness. These things may influence initial attraction- it doesn't maintain it. Quality men can appreciate the difference.
5. Practice dialing down your masculine "doing" energy Instead amp up your feminine, release control and attachment to the outcome, allow the man attracted to you space to come towards you. If he doesn't, that's ok, keep going feeling good until the right man does- and he will!
6. Lean back in dating and avoid these masculine energy traits such as;
Doing, Initiating, planning, making decisions, giving, advising, competing, testing, analysing, solving, explaining.
7. Stay out of your analytical head;
Start feeling more than thinking and planning ahead. When you lean back and just feel what's happening in the present, you are allowing your intuition to really kick in, and you will know if it feels good and if it doesn't you will not invest and back away.
Finally, as Helena Hart Feminine dating coach encourages all women to do, ask yourself
"What am I hoping for", then release any attachment to the outcome".
I'd like to suggest not committing to dating just one person in the early stages. Avoid "waiting" to find out what a man feels for you, and if he will come towards you, allow him space to do that or not. Until then keep your opportunities open to all quality men.
Keep going, selectively meeting potential suitable dates until the right man comes towards you. Then decide. This way you are not coming from a place of need and are showing you have no agenda, or expectations with one man, which men are sensitive about and can detect.
This will intrigue him, and create a deeper attraction for you.
Try these methods in your dating life, beginning with becoming truly confident from within, about being the wonderful woman that you are, deserving of a loyal, loving and happy relationship.
Love Maria xx
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