What makes someone attractive to you? 

What exactly is it about a Man or Lady that sparks your curiosity, and interest making you want to know more?

Is it their looks, their sense of humour, their attitude to life?

What exactly creates the elusive Chemistry which most Single Ladies and Men need, to feel connected to a potential partner?

The core components according to Matthew Hussey a Dating Coach for Ladies, form "The Attraction Formula” It’s geared towards Ladies and insightful for commitment minded Men

He writes about this in his book Get the Guy. It’s based on the results of interviews and research of thousands of Single Ladies and Gents about the foundations of lasting and deep relationships. 

He says without all stages of the Attraction Formula being present, especially in the early stages of relationship, it is unlikely that the relationship will be a long lasting one.  The formula isn’t needed for transient hook ups – obviously.


Visual Chemistry +

Perceived Value +

Perceived Challenge +



Here is the summary

1.  Visual Chemistry

Without a doubt visual attraction plays an important role in who you want to date and enter a relationship with.  BUT, it isn’t about how good looking you are, in fact this only plays a small part of it.

Yes, really! Remember we are talking about emotionally mature, relationship minded, smart Single Men and Ladies.

It’s been proven that many extremely attractive people who are used to receiving a lot of attention for their looks, don’t feel a need to develop their character and personalities- they sail along being admired for their looks alone.  This is why they often don’t sustain relationships with people who have developed their character and personality, and need deeper connections.  So beauty and handsomeness aren’t usually enough. It’s just a small factor.             

Visual Chemistry is actually based on a number of elements, the way you look, present and carry yourself, your posture, how you gesture, walk, talk, your facial expressions, your smile, how at ease with yourself, your outlook, how relaxed and animated you are and how you make someone feel in your company. All of these elements together create your magnetism, charisma and as Matthew says your own unique brew of charm and attractiveness.  

What’s your Brew?

2.  Perceived Value

You are a high Value Lady or Man, this is a given, and you need to convey this to a potential future partner naturally and confidently without bragging, being boastful or over the top. Be humble of course but confident in what you offer.

If you are Single and searching for a long term relationship; how you present and sell the product - YOU is vital.

It’s important to show your; worth; high value; happy life, lifestyle; emotional health, so that what you are bringing to the relationship table is transparent, inviting and your potential partner can see what a worthwhile investment you are.  This is best conveyed in how positively you talk about yourself and your life and the people in it; which inevitably your future partner will share.

3.  Perceived Challenge

"People Value what they earn". This isn’t about game playing or manipulation, which doesn’t create trust and is immature. It’s about being challenging in a positive way. 

It’s proven that if something comes too easily, no matter how valuable it is; many men don’t respect it or want it in the same way.

Matthew states that Men place more value on Ladies if they can prove themselves. Again not in game playing fashion; an example is not always being available at the exact time, place, day, he would like to meet.

In reality everyone has such busy lives that it’s highly likely to be the case anyway. However there are many ladies which push all other commitments out of the way to be available and ready at the exact time she is asked to be and for as long as he would like to be with her.  Definitely show willingness to meet, but with more scarcity in the very early stages. Instead of 4 hours tonight or tomorrow if it’s a last minute call, how about 1 or 2 tonight if you can, and more time the following week.

Your future partner will integrate into your already well rounded life. Value your time, and be smart about how much of your time you give away freely and easily in the early stages. Allow the time you invest to build over time as you get to know each other. It’s important to show that you are a Lady a Man has to earn. If a man isn’t flexible or willing to compromise, around your availability, he is showing that he isn’t sincerely interested in you.  

4.  Connection

If all the other ingredients are in place, but there is no connection; then the relationship isn’t likely to last.

To develop a deep connection with someone, you really need to understand what drives them, what their core motives, values, beliefs are and what they are all about. They also need to know yours;  both need to be aligned and inspiring to both of you.

To do this, you need to be interested, and ask what their "Whys" are, not only their "What". Instead of asking theusual boring questions; What do you do, What are your hobbies? try Why do you do what you do? Why do you enjoy that hobby or interest? Open the conversation up to learn more deeply about someone.

Someone’s "Why" reveals their drivers in life and what they are motivated and passionate about.

The four elements of Matthews Attraction Formula aren’t revolutionary individually. As a four step formula followed completely, it has been proven to have helped thousands of Single Ladies internationally.

When I evaluate the causes for many relationship break ups I hear about on a daily basis; it’s clear that steps have been missed from this formula especially in the early stages of a relationship;  it also resonates with me personally.  

In closing, with the Formula for Attraction in mind;  take time to feel your best self, confident, happy and remind yourself of the high value you will bring to the relationship table of the person lucky enough to meet you.

Do you agree with the 4 step Attraction Formula?

Have you been using this method already?

I would love to know your thoughts?


Maria xx

Relationship minded Ladies are invited to join our Free Matchmaking Membership at www.selectivematches.com/free-membership

Relationship ready Gentlemen feel free to contact me in confidence for a no obligation chat about joining my Personal Matchmaking service hello@selectivematches.com/contact

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